Counseling Yourself

Counseling oneself by taking a perspective of what a best friend would say can be a helpful approach to managing difficult emotions and situations.

This approach often referred to as self-compassion, involves treating oneself with the same kindness, care, and support that one would offer to a good friend. By taking a more objective and supportive perspective on one’s own thoughts and feelings, individuals can reduce self-criticism, build self-esteem, and enhance emotional resilience.

Research has shown that self-compassion can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress, as well as improving overall well-being. One study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that a self-compassion intervention for college students led to significant reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as increases in self-esteem and life satisfaction.

One of the BEST ways to shift your beliefs to more balanced and Optimistic beliefs is to write down a conversation of a potential discussion that you may have with your best friend. I call this DIALOGING.

You will be taking both sides of the discussion. One side will be you and your current thinking and on the other side, you pretend that your friend told you the SAME ideas that you wrote down and you write down what you would say to them. Here is an example:

You: I don’t feel right today. I feel insecure.
You as your friend: Why are you feeling insecure?
You: Because I have a dinner party to go to, and I am feeling intimidated?
You as your friend: Why is that? Why are you intimidated?
You: Because there will be people there who are very interesting and compelling and I don’t feel like I am so exciting.
You as your friend: Why don’t you think you are as exciting?
You: Because I am quiet and like not to say too much.
You as your friend: What is wrong with being quiet?
You: I am expected to participate in the evening.
You as your friend: OK, so you will interject in the conversations as you see fit, right?
You: Yes I will, but I am not the life of the party.
You as your friend: Is everyone at every party the “life of the party”?
You: No, there are all types of people.
You as your friend: OK, so you are what type?
You: The quiet one.
You as your friend: Is the quiet one, one of the types you were referring to before?
You: Yes that would be one.
You as your friend: Does everyone know there are many types of people that show up at a party?
You: Yes most of them do.
You as a friend: How will anyone disapprove of you for being on the quiet side?
You: Oh I guess no one will judge me negatively for being quiet.
You as a friend: Will you interact at all or be completely silent?
You: I will interact for sure.
You as a friend: So how are you feeling now about going?
You: I get your point and you are right that I can just be and act who I am and not worry about filling a role. The host did invite me and that is definitely an indication that I am wanted at the party. I am sure they see some positive traits in me. I know I do have some positive traits as well.

When you do this every time you are feeling off, then this type of internal discussion puts your thinking into perspective. When you think better (and believe your thinking), you feel better and then act better. ALWAYS!