Compassion Exercise
Cultivating Compassion for Others
Compassion is the second step of the method, and it is easy to misread.
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Compassion is the second step of the method, and it is easy to misread. It does not ask you to approve of what someone has done, to explain their behavior away, or to give up a boundary you need. It asks for something narrower and harder, recognizing that the other person is a human being who struggles, and being willing to wish them well anyway. The hardness we carry toward another person is carried mostly by us, and this is a way of setting some of it down without pretending anything about them.
In this exercise you will bring to mind someone whose behavior has been mildly frustrating, and notice your own reactions to them without judging yourself for having them. You will remember that this person is like you in the ways that matter, that they know struggle, disappointment, hope and moments of joy. You will consider that they may be carrying difficulties you know nothing about, without needing to excuse anything. Then you will offer them three wishes silently. May you be free from suffering. May you find peace. May you have the support you need. If resistance comes up, you will let it be there, keep whatever boundary the situation calls for, and come back to the simple wish that this person suffer less. Then you will widen the same wishes to someone you care about, and then to the people you pass every day and do not know, who also have private difficulties of their own.
Guided Practice
Choose the practice length that suits you today.
Cultivating Compassion for Others
Practice Methods
Meditation
Sit or lie down comfortably, with your eyes closed or resting softly. Follow along with the audio recording.
Writing
Choose someone whose behavior has been mildly frustrating. Describe the reaction you have toward them without criticizing yourself. Write several ways this person is just like you: difficulties, hopes, needs, disappointments, and moments of joy. Acknowledge any difficulty they may be carrying without inventing details or excusing their behavior. Write three sincere wishes for them, such as: May you be free from suffering. May you find peace. May you have the support you need. Record any boundary that still needs to remain. Compassion and a clear boundary can exist together.
Inner Child
There is no inner child version for this practice.
Mirror
Sit or stand where you can see your reflection. Use a soft gaze. Bring to mind someone whose behavior has been mildly frustrating. Notice your response while maintaining gentle contact with your reflection. Say: This person is human, just like me. They also experience difficulty. Offer them three silent wishes for relief, peace, and support. If resistance appears, acknowledge it without judging yourself. Keep any boundary you need. Finish by looking around the room and taking three slow breaths.
Real-World Practice
Use this when frustration with another person arises and it is safe to pause. Remember that the person is human, just like you, and may be carrying difficulties you cannot see. This does not excuse harmful behavior or remove a necessary boundary. Silently wish them less suffering or greater peace, then respond to the actual situation as clearly as you can.
Micro Practice: Just Three Breaths…
- Breath – Remember that this person is human, just like you.
- Breath – Remember that they also experience difficulty.
- Breath – Silently wish them peace as you continue.