Affirmations

Affirmations are the granddaddy of all optimistic thinking exercises.  You can and should definitely use affirmations in addition to the other exercises listed on this site.

Some people may not believe that affirmations work.  Recent findings in neural science tell us that our brains can and do change throughout our lives.  What we focus on and pay attention to changes the structure and function of our brain.  In other words, as we practice repeating a mental pattern (saying an affirming statement or beating ourselves up for our failures), this develops neural pathways that become automatic over time.  Much of our time is spent reciting a negative narrative, and consciously narrating something more balanced and Optimistic will eventually take hold.  This concept is called neuroplasticity.

Affirmations are positive statements that, when repeated regularly, can re-train your brain to generate Optimistic thoughts automatically as a default. Do they really work?  YES!  If I was to tell you every day for the next 30 days that I told a child that they were not a nice person?  What if I pointed out all the times that they were rude to someone or dismissed someone or were short with someone, or got angry at someone? What would this child think about themselves as the days passed?  Would they start to believe that they were indeed not nice? Everyone would agree that this is not a good way of dealing with a child, yet that is EXACTLY how we treat ourselves.  If

Suppose you believe that negative chatter and pointing out examples affect a person negatively. In that case, you must also believe that saying Optimistic things to a person has the opposite effect – they will start to think better of themselves.

The key here is to start small and be realistic.  Say affirmations that will gradually shift your thinking.  You don’t have to be completely positive at the beginning.  You can focus on the things that are real, no matter how small.  Gradually you can build up the scope of your affirmations to the point where you can say grand positive statements that you will really believe.

Examples:  If you want to have more confidence, then you may say the following affirmations:

• I am confident in some of my abilities – for example.
• Some people like what I have to say.
• I am smart in many areas and have a wealth of knowledge to share with the people around me.
• I have many abilities that I am proud of.
• I am getting more confident every day.
• I do like my hair.
• I like my ears.
• I like my hands.
• Etc.

Affirmations are done in a variety of ways.  When you use them while you meditate, people call them mantras.  People call them visualization when you use them to imagine a positive outcome.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy calls affirmations “balanced thoughts” and encourages the practitioner to write them down on paper. Whatever you believe them to be, rest assured that AFFIRMATIONS DO WORK!

Counter Pointing

Counter Pointing is a method of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. If you are familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Thereby (CBT), then you will recognize this way of thinking.  It essentially is an exercise that asks you to look at your negative thoughts and justify them.  This exercise asks the question:  Where is the evidence for your negative thinking?  Are you “assuming” some facts? Are your negative assumptions 100% true 100% of the time?

For example, if you are feeling fearful about flying then you are thinking negative thoughts (which you believe to be true) about the activity of flying. First, you need to identify your exact thoughts.

Finish the following sentence:  “When I think about flying, I feel _____ because I think _____ may happen.”

Once you have identified the thoughts, you can then start adjusting them slightly so that you are starting to feel better.  It is unnecessary to attempt to completely overcome your negative thoughts the first time you try this technique.  What is important is that you gradually coax yourself into feeling better a little at a time.

Here are some replacement thoughts (counterpoints) as an example to overcome the fear of flying:

• There are thousands of flights every day that leave and arrive safely.
• I have flown before, and nothing bad has happened.
• Turbulence on an Airplane is just like bumps on the road when I drive.
• I will enjoy having the time to read a book when I am on the airplane.
• etc.

Another technique is one that Cognitive Behavioral Therapists (CBT) use.  They call this “thought records”.  Here is the process to deal with beliefs that are triggering anxiety, depression or feelings that are uncomfortable.  You can do this exercise when you are in the moment of experiencing intense feelings or reflect afterward on a particularly challenging incident:

1. Begin by writing down how you are feeling at this very moment.
   • What emotions are present?  See if you can uncover all of them, not just the major ones.
   • On a scale of 1 – 10, write down how intense or uncomfortable these feelings are.
2. Now write down what beliefs are present about the present situation that is causing you to feel this way.
   • You must be very honest about what your beliefs really are.
   • Quite often, our beliefs are rather strange, so do not pretend these ODD beliefs are not present just because you are embarrassed by them.
3. Now right down the evidence to support these beliefs.
   • Make sure you state real evidence and not just potential evidence.
   • Pretend you are talking to your best friend is experiencing the same feelings.  How would you help them identify the evidence to support their beliefs?
4. Now right down the evidence that refutes your beliefs.
   • Pretend you are talking to your best friend who is experiencing the same feelings.  How would you help them identify the evidence to refute their beliefs?
5. Now write down how you are feeling.
   • What emotions are now present?
   • On a scale of 1 – 10, write down how intense your feelings are now.

We almost always exaggerate our beliefs.  We catastrophize our beliefs, and this exercise teaches us how to address our faulty thinking realistically.  By doing this exercise, we can come to a place where our beliefs are more balanced and realistic, and this balances our emotions and body sensations.  Generally, when you complete this exercise, you will see a shift in how you feel.

Note:  There is value in actually writing down your analysis on paper.  It helps solidify the perspective.

The great thing about Counter Pointing is that it can be used while you are in the midst of an uncomfortable situation and the basis for your daily Optimistic self-talk.

Use your counterpoints as affirmation statements or mantras when you meditate, write down in your Writing/Journaling exercises, or use them when you conduct your Mirror Exercises or to use when you Counsel Yourself.

Remember that neuroscience tells us that what we focus on and pay attention to changes the structure and function of our brain.  In other words, doing exercises like this alters our neural pathways, and these become more automatic over time.  This concept is called neuroplasticity.

Come up with Counter Points regularly. The results will amaze you.

Mantras

Many people not only focus on thoughts and body sensations as they Meditate, but many people also focus by way of reciting Mantras.

A mantra is a repeated word or phrase used as a form of meditation or concentration. It is often used in mindfulness practices and is believed to have the ability to improve mental and emotional well-being.

One study published in the International Journal of Yoga examined the effects of mantra meditation on stress and well-being among college students. The study found that practicing mantra meditation significantly reduced perceived stress levels and improved overall well-being among the participants.

The researchers concluded that the repeated use of a mantra during meditation can help individuals focus their attention, regulate their breathing, and enter a state of deep relaxation. This can lead to a reduction in stress and anxiety and an improvement in overall mental and emotional well-being.

Mantras can be used while you meditate.  They are identical to Affirmations, Counter Points or Gratitude Statements. Feel free to use your custom mantras, targeting your specific negative thinking) and recite them slowly over and over again. Breathe between each statement, and don’t rush – be gentle and patient. FEEL each word as you recite your Mantra statements. Work slowly up the Optimistic ladder over time.

Neuroscience tells us that what we focus on and pay attention to changes the function and structure of our brains. Saying affirming Mantras changes the areas of the brain associated with positive feelings, affiliation etc…  When this happens, our thinking starts to change and become more automatic. Our negative stories diminish and our positive outlooks dominate more often.

Give it a try!

Visualizations

Visualizations are one way to really implant an Optimistic mindset into your brain.  They are particularly helpful when you are presented with a situation that is troublesome.

If you have to speak in public, attend a dinner party, travel in an airplane, go out on a date or any other real-world situation/event that may cause you some fear or uncomfortable feelings then there are 2 visualization exercises that will help you.

Visualizing a Positive Outcome

Start with creating some positive Affirmations, Counter Points or Gratitude Statements. While you are thinking about or reciting your positive statements, you should close your eyes and picture yourself in your future in that very situation that you fear. When you visualize this event, play the story in your mind the way you would like it to happen.  Imagine yourself with confidence, aptitude and success.  Really FEEL this future situation as if you were right there.  Pretend that everything is going very well in this visualization.

Athletes know full well the power of visualizing.  In addition to physical training for the big event, they also know they need to see themselves participating in their event visually.  They picture the race or routine to become accustomed to the craziness of the day.  It is a way of conditioning their brain to block out the negative external stimuli so they can fully concentrate and execute the physical requirements leading to a successful result.

You will be doing the same thing.  As you visualize yourself accomplishing your goals, let your feelings be your guide.  Think about or recite your positive statements as you visualize the final outcome.

Visualizing Your Fears Away

Visualizing your fears disappearing is a great technique that you can use that will dramatically improve your confidence. If you are paying attention to your thinking, you are likely well aware of some of the negative beliefs you have about yourself and your life and the people around you. Sometimes we may have problems shaking them free, and they keep coming up repeatedly.

Many times fighting your negative thoughts to go away causes them to appear more and more. It’s like you want to keep a number of beach balls submerged under the water, and you are constantly fighting to keep them under. It’s a never-ending battle, and you just get tired and frustrated. Here is another approach…

Sit comfortably with your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and start to breathe deeply in and out; breathe from your abdomen/belly. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. (Make sure your OUT breath is longer than your IN breath; for example, take 4 seconds to breathe in and 7 seconds to breathe out.) Do this for 3-4 minutes. Now visualize yourself exhaling a green cloud of positive energy out your mouth directly in front of you. Do this for a couple of breaths.

Now take one of your negative beliefs or fears – say it’s a belief that you are not worthy of having a nice partner (boyfriend or girlfriend). Picture this negative thought (or fear) as a yellow ball (like a baseball), and it is in front of you. As you breathe out, breathe this positive green cloud over the negative yellow ball. With each breath picture, this yellow ball getting smaller and smaller and watch it move farther and farther away from you. Repeat to yourself, “I release this belief. I accept that it is done. I am at peace..” Ultimately this yellow ball will be gone.

Take a couple more breaths and then choose another negative thought or the same one and repeat, blowing the positive green cloud onto the yellow negative fear or belief. Picture the yellow ball getting smaller and smaller and farther and farther away from you. Repeat to yourself, “I release this belief. I accept that it is done. I am at peace.”

Repeat this exercise over and over again for around 10 minutes. Do not rush the breathing or rush through a lot of your negative or fearful issues. Usually, 3 or 4 issues are enough to deal with in one sitting. Breathe deeply and slowly for a few more minutes.

To end your session visualize yourself as a confident and radiant person. Picture yourself as someone who no longer has these negative beliefs and fears anymore. After a few minutes of visualizing then, slowly open your eyes and get reacquainted back with your surroundings. Do a big stretch with your arms wide and standing tall! Accept your newfound confidence!

This exercise of blowing the negative thoughts away and making them small is a great way to teach yourself to minimize the importance of these negative thoughts. It helps distance yourself from these beliefs. When you stop believing your negative thinking (or even start to believe them less and less), they will no longer cause any more negative emotions. NOW when you replace them with Optimistic beliefs, then you WILL start to feel better.

Some of the negative beliefs that you may have to work on may likely have to do with your lack of self-worth, fear of negative judgments, fear of making a fool of yourself, fear of losing control when anxious, fear of fainting when anxious, fear that you will always feel bad and never get better, fear that there is something wrong with you, fear that you are not lovable, thoughts that you are somehow damaged and inferior etc.

Please do this exercise for a couple of weeks and keep doing it regularly from time to time, even though you feel great. When you do this exercise, even though you feel great, it places you in maintenance mode, and as things come up, it will ensure your Optimistic Outlook remains!

Writing and Journaling

Writing down your thoughts has a tremendous impact on how you learn.  Many studies have shown over and over again that people who write down what they learn have a greater chance of remembering the new teachings.

There are several writing techniques that you can implement (depending on what you want to improve) that will help you move away from the habitual negative thinking.

Grateful Writing

Take 10 minutes at the end of the day and write a small recap of what happened. Purposely write down all the positive aspects of your day. Maybe someone smiled at you. Maybe you did a favor for someone. Maybe you found a penny. etc…

No matter how small, write down these things regularly. This will help your mind to automatically recognize AND focus on the positive aspects of your life instead of the negative.

Writing to Release Negativity

Take a few sheets of paper and write down ALL the thoughts that come into your head;  all the good and all the bad and do not censor your thinking.  Keep writing as fast as the thoughts arise, and do not go back to edit anything, even if they make no sense. Fill a couple of pages or write until 10 minutes are up.

This exercise helps release all the pent-up thinking that you may be suppressing and at the end of this exercise, take those sheets of paper and cut them up into very small pieces and throw them away.  When you do this, say to yourself – “I release these negative thoughts.  They are just thoughts, and they are not me.”

This exercise helps release your belief in your negative thinking, and as you know by now when your beliefs change, you change your feelings and actions.

Affirming Writing

When you have developed some Affirmations that are appropriate to your situations, take a few moments and write them down over and over again on a sheet of paper.  Repetition by writing down the new beliefs really helps implant them into your mind.

Counter Point Writing

As you pay attention to your thinking, you will notice your negative come and go.  Take a few moments and write down these negative thoughts at the top of a page.  For each negative thought, write down some realistic facts that you know to be true that counter these negative beliefs. This is Counter Pointing.  You don’t need to go all the way up the Optimistic ladder at the beginning. Just reach for better feeling thoughts at first, which starts the ball rolling.  Ask yourself:  “What about this negative thought that is not 100% true 100% of the time?”

Conversation Writing

One great way of changing the negative self-talk that exists in all of us is to have a conversation with yourself as if you were talking to your best friend.  When you do this, you are in effect, Counselling Yourself.  In this exercise, you are taking on both sides of a conversation whereby you express your negative mood on one side and you counsel yourself, giving advice (the same way you give to your best friend) on the other side.  This is an effective way of teaching yourself how to talk “better” to yourself. When you take this conversation and write it down, you really implant it into your mind.

As with any exercise, regularity is the key. It only takes a small effort to get large rewards.

Counseling Yourself

Counseling oneself by taking a perspective of what a best friend would say can be a helpful approach to managing difficult emotions and situations.

This approach often referred to as self-compassion, involves treating oneself with the same kindness, care, and support that one would offer to a good friend. By taking a more objective and supportive perspective on one’s own thoughts and feelings, individuals can reduce self-criticism, build self-esteem, and enhance emotional resilience.

Research has shown that self-compassion can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress, as well as improving overall well-being. One study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that a self-compassion intervention for college students led to significant reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as increases in self-esteem and life satisfaction.

One of the BEST ways to shift your beliefs to more balanced and Optimistic beliefs is to write down a conversation of a potential discussion that you may have with your best friend. I call this DIALOGING.

You will be taking both sides of the discussion. One side will be you and your current thinking and on the other side, you pretend that your friend told you the SAME ideas that you wrote down and you write down what you would say to them. Here is an example:

You: I don’t feel right today. I feel insecure.
You as your friend: Why are you feeling insecure?
You: Because I have a dinner party to go to, and I am feeling intimidated?
You as your friend: Why is that? Why are you intimidated?
You: Because there will be people there who are very interesting and compelling and I don’t feel like I am so exciting.
You as your friend: Why don’t you think you are as exciting?
You: Because I am quiet and like not to say too much.
You as your friend: What is wrong with being quiet?
You: I am expected to participate in the evening.
You as your friend: OK, so you will interject in the conversations as you see fit, right?
You: Yes I will, but I am not the life of the party.
You as your friend: Is everyone at every party the “life of the party”?
You: No, there are all types of people.
You as your friend: OK, so you are what type?
You: The quiet one.
You as your friend: Is the quiet one, one of the types you were referring to before?
You: Yes that would be one.
You as your friend: Does everyone know there are many types of people that show up at a party?
You: Yes most of them do.
You as a friend: How will anyone disapprove of you for being on the quiet side?
You: Oh I guess no one will judge me negatively for being quiet.
You as a friend: Will you interact at all or be completely silent?
You: I will interact for sure.
You as a friend: So how are you feeling now about going?
You: I get your point and you are right that I can just be and act who I am and not worry about filling a role. The host did invite me and that is definitely an indication that I am wanted at the party. I am sure they see some positive traits in me. I know I do have some positive traits as well.

When you do this every time you are feeling off, then this type of internal discussion puts your thinking into perspective. When you think better (and believe your thinking), you feel better and then act better. ALWAYS!

Mirror Work and Exercises

Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself in the eye.  Do you look away?  Do you immediately start judging yourself? Do you feel self-conscious about paying attention to yourself?  Many of us do all these things.  This is your indication that some of your negative thinking is automatically generated and you can start to change this.

The first thing you must do is STOP negatively talking to yourself every time you see your reflection.  When you find yourself doing just that – look back at your reflection and APOLOGIZE to yourself for saying such negative things.  If you insulted a friend every time you saw them you would definitely stop doing that and apologize to them if you want to remain friends.  Do it to yourself as well!!

Now that you are not insulting yourself every time you see yourself you can now start injecting some friendly Optimistic statements into your inner dialogue. It has been said by many that our negative thoughts about ourselves were taught to us by what people have said to us long ago and you can undo this by replacing this past negative chatter with new chatter.

So, what do you say to yourself?  Anything that you want, so long as it’s positive!

You can use Counter Pointing, Being Grateful, Talk To Your Inner Child, Affirmations etc…  Any statements that are positive will be enhanced when you say them to yourself in front of a mirror.

Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye and start saying some comforting things.  Do not look away and just be gentle and compassionate.

Do this exercise often and daily.  Regular training is the key to doing any technique work for you.  Athletes train every day, and so should you!